|Lizard roommate - Nyinbuli, South Sudan|
Apparently blogging is not a part of my natural skill set, but I sincerely wish it was. I really enjoy reading other people's blogs but I don't take much pleasure in producing my own. It's just so much work to take these random thoughts and experiences and render them into a word picture that makes sense and is interesting to people who aren't me. Or maybe I don't blog regularly because I'm too much of a perfectionist. I agonize over every sentence. I write entire paragraphs and then delete them. I've rewritten this first paragraph at least 5 times and it still sucks.
Perhaps the lazy updating is due to the uncertain purpose of this blog. I only started blogging because I wanted a simple way to keep people informed about my Summer 2013 trip to South Sudan. When I returned home the blog lost initiative. But when I was given the opportunity to go to South Sudan again, the blog should have become pertinent again. Fail.
It only got worse when I was actually in SS and wanted to blog and couldn't because I had neglected to allow access to my Google account from my friend's computer - something that could only be done in the US. With my sister's help I did manage to make 2 posts from SS and I vowed to do more, but the internet was slow and the trip was short and my time was fully occupied. I've had plenty of time and opportunity since, but I haven't had the motivation. The truth of the moment is gone. I mean, I can give a play-by-play of the events as I remember them and I can tell you how I think I felt in those situations. But it all seems so filtered and distant and stale.
Ugh, what am I talking about? These are all just excuses. Please forgive me for not taking the time to tell these stories. Please forgive me for trying to justify myself. Please forgive me for neglecting the duty God has given me. And please pray for me, that I would just do it - whatever it may be. Thanks.