Feeling Anxious

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵ Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4: 4-8 NIV 
  

I guess I'm feeling a bit anxious.  Btw, when did that "with thanksgiving" phrase get in there?  I often whine at God when I "present my requests" to Him.  Or I make a list of demands.  Now I'm supposed to rejoice?

This kind of praying (apparently the right kind) takes exercise.  But it is worth it.  When I pray without thanksgiving, my prayers are self-focused, shallow, and needy.  But when I acknowledge God and thank Him for all He has done, is doing, and will do, then I see Him - and He is Awesome!

Praying with praise is better.  It is not easier.  I mostly forget to pray this way.  I tend to be a cynical and negative person.  I forget how good my life has been.  I forget how loved and cared for I am.  I've lived a safe, blessed life.  But when things get a little dark or dangerous, I get depressed and cranky.  Suddenly the God who has taken care of me and provided for me is a bad guy and He is ruining my life.  Yeah, I turn into a teenager.  I get all grumpy and I slam doors.  I stomp around and mumble under my breath when I get corrected, I become stubborn over ridiculous, non-issues.  I even have temper tantrums.  Mature, right?

As the departure date for South Sudan looms closer (June 25th y'all) I find that I'm spending less and less time in prayer, meditation, and hopeful preparation.  Instead I am trying to avoid thinking about going while simultaneously worrying about going.  I try to clear out the negative thoughts and emotions associated with taking this scary leap of faith, but I forget to fill the empty space with positive truths, so all the crap just comes rushing back in along with some new worries (not unlike Luke 11: 24-26).

In his letter to the Philippians, Paul instructs them to pray with rejoicing - even scary or tough issues can be brought to God in a spirit of thanksgiving, for He is good even when circumstances suck - and to empty out their fears and the desires of their hearts to God. And then he encourages them to fill that empty space up with "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely," and "whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

So, right now, I am praying...
Thank You, Father, for this wonderful, incredible, amazing opportunity to serve You and to learn about loving people who live so very differently from me.  I know that You will put me to good use and that I will be a help and not a hindrance.
I give You praise, because You have given a plan and a purpose to my life.  Wherever I go, You are with me.  The world is a dangerous and scary place, but I am safe in Your hands.  No matter what.
Thank you, Jesus, for peace in South Sudan.  I pray it would be a lasting one.  Thank You for the stability You are bringing to this new country.  Thank You for loving and caring for all people; You are good and gracious.
Please, Holy Spirit, help me to be strong and courageous and to stand in Your Truth.  I love You and I love what You have made.  Help me to build up and not destroy Your marvelous creation.  Thank You for choosing me to be part of Your kingdom work.  Thank You for making all this possible by Your sacrifice.
It is in Your holy name that I pray.  Amen.